I am so, so grateful to have my job. So much so that I no longer obsess about death and Lou Gherig's Disease because now, it's all about What if I Lose My Job?
However, a few of things:
1. I have an unusually difficult time priming lines; I've actually had to throw out bags of saline before because I ran too much through in an effort to get rid of every single bubble, because OCD. Last week, I was delighted to have overcome this and learned to live with a few small bubbles, as per my preceptor's advice. My self-satisfaction dissipated like so many tiny/insignificant air bubbles when the pump grunted, clicked, and then flashed: air in line!
2. WHAT IS HAPPENING, MY BODY. It's clear to me that what I have right now is a cold of some kind. As to why said cold has lasted fully eight days now, and I am carrying into a series of five days, four of which I will spend completing 12 hour shifts -- well, I can't help you with that.
3. Beyond those two things, modern medicine, keep doing what you're doing. I meant to be as diplomatic as I can about this, but it's discouraging to me a seemingly huge -- but possibly only unusually vocal ? -- subset of the population has no time for magical thinking a la literal interpretations of the Bible, but totally accepts that complimentary medicine is somehow more "progressive" than, say, antibiotics or morphine or chemotherapy. There is a time and place for these things: after you've tried the things that have been shown to work most of the time.
4. And also: my somewhat tumultuous relationship with God aside, should you ever read another blog post or see my face again, please know that He apparently believes in me, as evidenced by my getting through today. Because for real, I'm about as broken as a human being can be when her life is nothing but bagels and dream jobs. I am having serious doubts about my ability to ambulate to the shower this morning.
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