Saturday, April 23, 2011

Interlude: Easter Sunday

So, basically, my church folded, and I was really sad, and I want that church back and stopped attending at all in order to tutor Chinese kids every Saturday.

I signed up for a grad course in Critical Theory and am pushing my way through Jameson.

I make more money, doing less work, and volunteer all over and take classes and may be preggers again.

I am interested in how to read Genesis, now. I am interested in how to integrate practical truths which are deeply resonant with spiritual/religious truths which I deeply want to believe.

I guess, as a starting point, things that much occupy my time and that do not matter:

1. my bulimia. I am annoyed with it, and with my own insistence on not taking the medication/working in therapy/using the coping tools I need in order to function. Ignoring it does not make it go away.

2. my "professional life." Feeds directly into my bulimia. Trolling job sites is a waste of time. I'm where I need to be right now: focusing on the million parts of my life that do not have to do with work. The conflation of my life with my job is devastating to the parts of my life that matter, once, and my freedom to be of service in the world is not located in a "meaningful job" but in the things I am able to do besides my job that help others.

Getting this clutter out of my life, finding my bearings, getting away from my overwhelming need to control and define every single aspect of my existence -- heavy enough projects for right now.

Happy Easter...