convocation

So far, the best lesson I've learned in nursing school came late last summer when, in an effort to self-regulate at the expense of those around me (like I do), I emoted to a then-acquaintance, now-friend about how even though I know I should, I just "don't take criticism well".

"No one does," she told me.

It was transformative. I don't really have any interest in the shortcomings of others, but I am endlessly preoccupied with my own -- a kind of hemianopsia, if you will, that leads me to believe that I am particularly petty as opposed to just run-of-the-mill, human petty. As evidenced by this little personal failing: I am not going to Nursing School Convocation because I do not enjoy watching other people receive awards.

And other reasons! For example, I work Tuesday nights. But to be honest, had I been winning an award, I likely would have tried to call out, because I work, like, all the time, and if I'm not working, I'm traveling to or from work, or attempting to keep my child from eating cat feces/coins/things he found in my purse that can no longer be identified. Sometimes, you just have to change your work schedule/take a sick day/leave your wailing child in the arms of his long-suffering father and hope they don't pass one of those $400 Divorce signs on the way home.

So, if they were to give out awards for being, you know, a selfless person or a good friend (in one of our school's rare incidences of getting something right the first time, my amazing nursing friend L won an award for, like, delivering a baby on her first day in OB), I'd be in the exact same position I am in now.

But lookit: in the same way that my insatiable desire to eat food faded into the background once I started to feed myself, I believe my insatiable need for validation might quiet itself just a little if I can channel some of my stellar list-making abilities into the making of lists that sustain rather than impoverishing my sense of worth. Below: my very own convocation awards list, starring my very own damn self:


The Award for Getting 100% in Pharmacology Before Every Other Grade in the Class Also Got Curved to 100% (goes to): Mandy B!


Most Likely to End the Twin Scourges of Moon Face and Truncal Obesity (goes to): Mandy B!


The Award for Outstanding Courage in the Face of Being Body-Checked by Giant, Angry Med-Surge Nurses (goes to): Mandy B! 


The Award for Most Hours Spent Obsessing about the Distinction between A and A- (goes to) Mandy B!


The Nabisco (Tm) Certificate of Appreciation for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Packaged Snack Consumption (goes to): Mandy B!



So, as a five-time-nursing-school award winner (unheard of!), I'm declaring this day Convocation for Everybody. Because while I suspect that some people I know genuinely enjoy celebrating the successes of those around them while their own efforts fail to generate certificates of any kind, I maintain a kind of Don't Ask Don't Tell policy regarding that level of personal evolution.

I mean, not everyone was born to go around pulling babies out of other people's vaginas. Just because you haven't done anything fabulous doesn't mean you're not inherently fabulous. You should celebrate your damn self, too -- nurse or not.